Monday, February 28, 2005

My inner drag queen rides again

Normally, I would classify myself as pretty conservative dresser, but with brief periods of crazy over-the-top showiness that usually manifests in some bejeweled heels or embellished handbags of questionable taste. I am having one of those moments now with these serpent sandals.

Photo courtesy of

Roberto Cavalli's designs are usually not my cup of tea, but I have to give credit where credit is due. These are some hot shoes. Thankfully they're out of my price range, so I won't be tempted to wear them with something correspondingly slutty.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Environmentally Fashionable

A reader (and fellow handbag enabler) sent me an interesting link to Ecoist Bags. The designer makes a collection of bags made from recycled snack bags, soda labels, and candy wrappers. They are surprisingly cute, and make a great conversation piece.

Photos courtesy of

I like the clutches (which come with matching wristlets) and basket totes in particular. All the bags are unique and handmade, taking each artist 2-5 days to produce. Ecoist also works with Global ReLeaf and plants a tree for every bag purchased. So now you can buy a bag and feel like you’re contributing in some small way to the environment!

Thanks to Jessica for the great link.

Judith Leiber must be stopped

Okay, so she made one good clutch. But she promptly followed it up with this:

Photo courtesy of

Seriously, what is it with this woman and crystal-encrusted toy breeds? This purse brings to mind a recent news story about a dog that survived an alligator attack. Unfortunately, it looks like this poodle wasn't that lucky.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Jimmy Choo is my personal lord and savior

Yes, I am a blasphemous heathen, but I look at this combo and I feel a little closer to heaven.

Photos courtesy of

These make we want to jump on a plane to someplace sunny and warm, where sundresses and silk sandals can be worn in February.

Available for worship online or at your nearest Saks Fifth Avenue.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Will work for Prada handbags

And I'll have to put in a fair number of hours, too, for this Canvas Soho Print Shoulder Bag.

Photo courtesy of

If I wasn't so taken with the beauty and absolute luscious pinkness of this bag, I would question why a mostly-canvas purse costs over a thousand bucks... But no, that is just crazy talk! Forgive me, Miuccia, I endeavor to be worthy of your beautiful bags!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Oh, Marc, no.

Take a gander at this MARC by Marc Jacobs Nylon Hold-All Bag:

Photo courtesy of

This unfortunate creation resembles someone's rather ample polyester-clad behind. Do you think Marc intentionally made this the handbag equivalent of a drive-by mooning, or do you think he's in need of an intervention?

Friday, February 18, 2005

Someone cares about my opinion!

I was very, very excited to have The Princess send me my very first reader request!

Dear Crankybiscuit,

I love your blog and I think this is a cute purse. However, I have an insatiable lust for purses with longs straps that I can sling over my shoulder. I am also a "voluptuous" woman and cannot carry teeny tiny bags, I overpower them. Can you help me?

Well, Princess, I feel your pain in this difficult search, as I too have had trouble finding a good-sized purse with a long enough drop. It is unfortunately the predominant style now to wear a hand-carried bag or a tiny pochette that usually resides right in one’s armpit, effectively squishing one’s arm flesh out in an unflattering manner.

This is what I've come up with so far:

The first purse that came to mind is the Legacy Duffle from Coach. It’s a slim bag, but it is a generous 10 5/8" long x 11" high, and best of all, it has an adjustable strap so you can wear it as a shoulder bag or across your body for extra security. Also available in turquoise, black, and white.

I'm completely captivated by this gorgeous calfskin tote by Marc Jacobs. At 10 1/2" high x 16" wide x 5" deep, it is a sizable bag that is capable of accommodating a hefty hardcover book or two, as well as all your work and weekend essentials. I like how he eschewed his usual "two pockets with buckles on the front" style by putting one on each side instead. Well, he's trying, at least.

There's also this delish leather satchel from Dolce & Gabbana that the ever-chic Bag Chick featured back in January. It's quite a bit larger than it appears in the photo, so you can cram a surprising amount of stuff in there.

Photos courtesy of
Finally, two incarnations of the Sam Bag from Kate Spade, who somehow is able to keep the same simple shape fun and fresh after all this time. I've had the basic black microfiber Sam Bag for years now, and it is quite the workhorse. They're very comfy to carry and I recommend them highly.

Well, that's it for now, I hope you find one of them useful. Thanks for writing, Princess!

Photos courtesy of and

The many faces of Gisele

Luella is sort of a one-trick pony. They know what sells and boy, do they stick with it. Consequently, most of their line is composed of the Gisele bag, the Baby Gisele bag, the Doctor Gisele bag, the Gisele Hobo... you get the picture. Regardless, this purse is really starting to win me over.

Photos courtesy of

I find it distinctive and edgy without being too fussy. Well, I'll admit the tangerine one is a little fussy, but I'm such a sucker for scalloped trim, little purse charms, and basically all things girly. I fear I might break down and actually buy one of these someday soon.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Cruelty to plant life

Somewhere, the Green Giant's little sidekick is wandering around naked.

Photos courtesy of and

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Everything old is ugly again

I want you to know that I really tried. I did. I saw the alarming revival of 80's fashion trends that should have remained dead, and I did my best to keep quiet, hunker down, and wait for the fads to blow over. Again.

But some things cannot go ignored. Behold, the four shoes of the apocalypse.

Photos courtesy of

Leg warmers, sweat bands, slouchy white boots, and... good god, how does one even begin to describe that last monstrosity? I shudder to think what sort of outfits would be worn with these things.

Stop the madness, people. I beg you.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

The fish purse

Listen, I know you're scared. I know you're probably still recovering from the horror of the last fish purse you saw. Of course, I'm referring to the one Paget Brewster was carrying in that photo the Fug girls posted.

But be not afraid, look how cute this pochette is:

Photo courtesy of

It's the Magic Fish Suede Chouquette Bag from Celine. Yes, I know that it crosses over the line into "cutesy", but it has a little enameled goldfish dangling from the flap! Coupled with the whimsical scalloped "scales", it's almost enough to make me forget the fact that it matches absolutely nothing in my wardrobe. Almost.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Bottega Veneta, where have you been all my life?

I guess I've been living under a rock, because I had not heard of Bottega Veneta until recently. Evidently, those talented Italians have been busy making some gorgeous shoes.

Photos courtesy of and

These are so elegant, yet unmistakeably sexy. They have everything- great craftsmanship, flattering heel height, and wonderful, feminine details.

The butterfly peep-toes on the right were featured in Lucky magazine, but I can't find them online. If you do, by all means, drop me a line!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Versace or Baja Fresh?

I can't decide if I like this Versace clutch.

Photo courtesy of

I think the studs and the metallic leather are nifty, but I'm afraid people might mistakenly think that I'm toting around the remains of a burrito from lunch. I don't think I'm quite ready for "leftover chic."

Friday, February 11, 2005

Just in time for Valentine's Day

I challenge you to find a more feminine shoe than these suede scalloped ribbon peep-toes from Banana Republic.

Photo courtesy of

Available in red, black/white and, of course, pink.

They're cute without being overly cutesy, and the satin ribbon detail is just so sweet. It even comes with a matching bag.

But raccoons love this bag!

Forgive me, I know that Balenciaga bags are all the rage right now, but can someone please explain this particular one to me?

Photo courtesy of

It appears as if the fabrication of this purse involved alot of Hefty bags. Did trash bags come into vogue while I wasn't looking? I'm not sure. But I do know that this bag is probably best left on your curb for Monday pickup.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Gucci wants to make sure I'm really ready

I have become completely enamored with this Gucci shoulder bag. It's a very practical size and features a convenient flap closure.

Photo courtesy of

Practicality aside, what really caught my eye is the color. The teal is so vibrant and rich, and would provide a great "pop" on those drab black & white days I'm prone to having. The horsebit hardware is enough to be interesting, but doesn't overpower the bag. Okay, I'm sold!

Then I read this:
"Expected To Ship: 05/09/2005"

Excuse me? It's not even available until May? Are handbags like movies now, where we need months of notice before the product actually comes out? I am a crazy handbag freak, but this is ridiculous even to me.

Chanel has a sense of humor

This bikini sandal from Chanel made me laugh.

Photo courtesy of

Like its inspiration, it will probably give you weird tan lines.

It's cute, but will almost certainly be too expensive for what is essentially a novelty shoe. It will probably be about a month before we start seeing knockoffs selling for $5 in the garment district.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Burberry: More than just plaid!

Sometimes I forget that Burberry handbags aren't just about that ubiquitous plaid. Imagine my delight when I found this on their website:

It's the Picnic Basket bag in pink snakeskin, combining one of my favorite colors with one of this season's hottest leathers. Isn't this a fabulous handbag for spring?

Also check out this great clutch:

It comes in four luscious colors of crocodile embossed leather. Just toss in some ID, cash, keys and lip gloss and you're ready for an evening out.

Photos courtesy of

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Sasquatch in Stilettos

I'm curious to know what inspires someone to purchase and wear these boots by Paloma Barcelo.

Photo courtesy of

These shoes make the wearer look like they haven't shaved their legs in eons, prompting the hair to suddenly burst through the boots in orderly patches. Is this really the look they're going for?

And you thought saddlebags were a bad thing

But not if you're talking about this yummy Dior Calfskin Saddle Bag.

Photo courtesy of

This bag is also available in their logo fabric, but I far prefer this one. The calfskin has a beautiful sheen to it, and is more durable and luxurious.

Aside from the unique shape, this bag is pretty understated for Dior, so I guess they felt the need to slap their initials on the strap. This one's a beauty, so I'll forgive them.

Monday, February 07, 2005

The joke's on all of us.

Behold the most bewildering Ugg creation yet, the Muff Bag.

Photo courtesy of

Yes, it's a combination muff and bag. Are there really people around who still use muffs? And what, exactly, do they have against a simple pair of gloves?

I'd have to fight the urge to slap someone if I saw them carrying this.

The only reasonable excuse for owning one is to be able to ask "Would you like to stick your hands into my pink muff?" at parties. And really, $130 is too much to pay for a cheap joke like that.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Watch out, Big Bird

I adore this Kade Spade evening bag.

Photo courtesy of

I've been looking for a bag like this ever since I saw Carrie Bradshaw holding a gorgeous feather purse in Season 4.

It's so frivolous and fluffy and girly (did I mention that it also comes in orchid pink?) that I can't take my eyes off it.

It also has the added bonus of frightening small children due to it's eery resemblance to the decapitated head of Cookie Monster.

A handy gadget for the girl on the go

(Apologies in advance about the infomercial-like nature of this post. I tend to evangelize about this thing.)

Tired of digging around fruitlessly for your keys? Is switching handbags every morning a hassle?

Then you might want to look into getting a Purseket.

Photo courtesy of

This handy little contraption is a simply flexible panel of pockets that holds your stuff upright against the sides of your purse and leaves the center open for larger items, such as wallets and agendas. It even has a little post for your keys.

Switch stuff from purse to purse quickly and easily- just take out the Purseket and everything inside comes along with it.

I carry alot of tall purses, and now I can actually use all that vertical space. I'm the most disorganized person in the world, but now at least my handbags are orderly. I figure it's a start.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Le Expensivo

Sometimes you want a sleek, understated bag that accentuates your outfit and goes with everything.

Other times you might feel like carrying a purse with so much brass hardware that it catches the eye of orbiting astronauts. That purse would be the Le Fabuleux by Louis Vuitton.

Photo courtesy of

Don't get me wrong, I love this purse. It's a gorgeous shoulder bag that looks stunning in person. I'm just afraid of accidentally blinding passing drivers or thwacking a small child in the head with it. That's one shiny liability.

Handbag Nirvana

No handbag blog would be complete without a nod to one particular purse, so let's just get this out of the way, shall we?

Here is the purse that many women would sell a kidney for, the Holy Grail of all handbags: The Hermes Crocodile Birkin.

Picture courtesy of Creatures*de*Lux, a great ebay seller with fabulous bags.

Got a spare $20k just lying around? Maybe you're thinking of picking up one of these puppies?

Well, tough luck. The waiting list for the Birkin bag is currently closed. And once you do somehow, magically get on the wait list, it's around 2 years before you get that fateful call. Otherwise you're looking to spend closer to $30k by buying it off ebay.

But is it worth it? All the pain and hassle and money just for a handstitched exotic leather purse?

I wish I could tell you, but only the fabulously wealthy can say. But God, I'd like to think so.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Oh, the indignity of it all!

Imagine this: You're a cute little brown bunny, hopping along and happily minding your business. Then you're caught and skinned. Bad enough, right?

But then you're turned into this:

Photo courtesy of

A fur croissant. With chains.

Some things just aren't right.

Vanessa Shoulder Bag

I love Cynthia Rowley. She has a real knack for creating stylish and elegant bags. I particularly like this hobo:

Photo courtesy of

I normally don't like hobo bags, but this one has enough structure to tickle my fancy. I love the gathered front pockets and its graceful shape.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Exactly what would these be appropriate for?

I present to you Anne Klein's Shearling Mule: "A so-soft bootie with coveted shearling."

Photo courtesy of

Perhaps this is for the fashionista who can't fathom dressing down to shovel the snow off her sidewalk?

Frankly, if you're over the age of 2, you shouldn't be wearing "booties."

Prada Redux

I found a less expensive alternative to the creepy/sexy Prada Python evening bag I posted earlier.

Photo courtesy of

It has all the charm and color, but without the disturbing carcass aspect.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Somewhere deep down, I am a drag queen

Because I love this Dior Python Gambler bag:

Photo courtesy of

It's so fabulously tacky, I can't stand it. The color. The gigantic metal dice. The chains. The leopard print paired with the python pattern. So ridiculously over the top, and I want it so bad.

"This item is not available for shipment to California"

Oh. Damn.

Presenting a Judith Leiber clutch I actually like

I didn't think it would ever happen, but I finally found a Judith Leiber creation that doesn't make me roll my eyes in exasperation.

Photo courtesy of

I really like the simplicity of the black & white floral design and the cigarette box shape. Even the crystals don't bother me that much.

Mostly I appreciate the fact that that it doesn't resemble a shih tzu encased in glitter:

Photo courtesy of


Juicy Couture should be ashamed

Not satisfied with just ripping off the Hermes Birkin design last season, Juicy Couture targeted Luella's popular Giselle tote this season.

Luella Giselle (left) vs Juicy Couture Satchel (right):

Photos courtesy of and

Coincidence? I think not.